Loving One's Enemy
Rosa Shao
When my daughter An-an was in 4th grade, she would come home sad and teary-eyed, telling me a girl in her class kept picking on her. Knowing how difficult it was for An-an to face her day-to-day encounter with that girl, yet being careful not to exaggerate the issue, I tried to tell her God’s help would come as we prayed together. I also offered to talk with the girl’s mother. An-an chose, instead, to resolve it by herself!
As children have their share of difficult people to live with, we adults have our share of people whom we can hardly work with. How should we deal with these enemies who seem bent on disturbing one’s peace, they really want to know. Many of us are deeply bothered by the daily grind of difficult people around us. In one cartoon scene created by Charles Schulz, the characters Charlie Brown and Lucy were engaged in conversation. Lucy had a disgusted look on her face. Charlie was pleading with her to be tolerant with outstretched arms, saying: “Lucy, you must be loving. This world really needs love. You have to let yourself love to make this world a better place in which to live!” Lucy whirled around and screamed back: “Look, blockhead—the world I love. It’s people I can’t stand!”1
It is never easy to deal with our enemies in a Christ-like manner, but the biblical way is the proven and powerful one, as vividly shown by the Burnham couple, Martin and Gracia, American missionaries who were kidnapped by the terrorist Abu Sayyaf group. Gracia Burnham’s best-selling book, In the Presence of My Enemies, talks of Martin’s firm conviction of our Lord’s love approach.2 What amazing love Martin had shown to those Abu Sayyaf militants. He would even thank the guard chaining him each night as he lay down to sleep. No wonder the headline in one newspaper read: “Mission Accomplished!.”3
Turning to the Bible for answers, we find Paul’s injunction on how we should treat our enemies in Romans 12:9-21, undoubtedly reflecting the teaching of Jesus, the greatest lover of mankind. A study of this passage reveals three simple yet profound ways of dealing with one’s enemies.
Letting Go: Yes, let them go!
Why harbor resentment that will rob you of your sleep and appetite? Many times the distressed party refuses to release the hurt, thinking the culprit should not be let loose swiftly nor lightly. Actually, letting go of one’s enemy does more to stop bitterness from taking roots and spoiling one’s health. Romans 12:16, 18 say: “Live in harmony with another…. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” All these verses are pronounced in the light of facing one’s persecutors (see verse 14) who could be identified as among both the unbelievers and the believers. The charge to live at peace with everyone is hedged with two qualifying phrases, if it is possible and as far as it depends on you. Thus, the difficulty of this precept underlies the strain of facing the hostile enemies and the struggle of human relationships in keeping accord. Paul realizes that this may not always be possible since reconciliation requires the cooperation of both parties involved.4 Letting go of the hurts from enemies, hard as it is, encourages one to seek harmony with others. And if, disharmony should come, let the responsibility not be laid upon the feet of the peaceful party.
Letting God: Do let God be the Judge.
God is the most suitable Judge to examine not only the wronged party but also the party being wronged, for God Himself will put things in order and He alone knows the true nature of human hearts. When we read in Romans 12:19: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath,” closely following this charge is a quotation from Deuteronomy that says: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay.” The book of Deuteronomy brings to mind God’s testing of His own people along the winding roads of the wilderness years. Here Paul quoted Deuteronomy 32:35, whose context specified that God will intervene to vindicate His people when their enemies gloat over them. God’s perfect nature of loving kindness, balanced with burning righteousness attest to His omniscient wisdom and omnipotent work. It is indeed “a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:3). Yet David, after being conscience-stricken for sinning against God, chose to be punished by God rather than by any other means when he said: “. . . Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, for His mercy is great” (II Samuel 24:14).
Letting Love: Let all actions be ruled by God’s love.
As followers of Jesus Christ, we are supposed to be Christ-like, doing what Jesus would be doing and walking in His steps. Jesus states in Matthew 5:44: “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Honestly speaking, by ourselves we can never live up to our Lord’s teaching, especially with regard to loving our enemies. What a great contrast to the worldly standard of getting even and asserting one’s right! Thus, many times we Christians are so overwhelmed with living out how the Bible says we should live. If letting go of our grip over the enemies seems like a big sacrifice; if letting God handle the case is a bit forceful on our part; then, letting love rule our dealings with our enemies really causes us to stir within.
The main theme in this section of Paul’s writing is for believers to live out a transformed life under the Holy Spirit’s empowerment that models God’s good will before a hostile community. Thus, Paul wrote: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head” (Romans 12:20). These words echo our proper response to those who persecute us, that is, to bless, not curse, them (Romans 12:14). The imagery of pouring burning coals on our enemy’s head is to be understood as an act of goodness, as something which “overcomes evil with good.”
5 The connection between burning coals/fire and the purging of sin/evil is seen in the ancient Egyptian custom of a penitent demonstrating his repentance of a wrong committed and carrying a dish of burning coals on his head. Thus, it is the enemy’s benefit that is intended. As the adversary is treated with kindness, good is returned for evil, thus, overcoming evil. One commentator concludes this section of Paul’s exhortation by claiming that “the best way to get rid of an enemy is to turn him into a friend!”Back to An-an’s story, she sort of almost did that. That school year ended with the girl announcing her leaving the school for good. An-an gave her a good-bye gift along with this note: To my best. . . enemy! This school year, the girl came back for her 8th grade, for good, and according to An-an, she is much, much nicer to her and to the rest of the girls! Proverbs 16:7 concludes it well, “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies live at peace with him.” Here is the key to turning one’s enemy into one’s friend, a proven antidote that works all the time! Try it and be transformed yourself!
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1 Schulz, C. “Peanuts,” New York: United Media.
2 Burnham, G., & Merrill, D. (2003), In the Presence of My Enemies, Wheaton, Il: Tyndale.
3 Benigno, N. (2003, May 25), “The Burnhams: Mission accomplished,” The Philippine Star, pp. G-1 to G-3.
4 Brendan B. & Harrington D. (1996), Romans: Sacra Pagina Series (Vol. 6), Collegeville, MN: The Liturgical Press.
5 Bruce, F. F. (1977), The Epistle of Paul to the Romans: An Introduction and Commentary, Grand Rapids, MI: Tyndale.